Rambling Sunday thoughts

Its easter sunday and everything is calming down after a raging storm last night. Shops are shut, mostly, and there is that kind of freedom where you don’t have to go anywhere or do anything and life is just nice. Having had a living room easter egg hunt, eaten an epic hot cross bun, and saved a bumblebee from Storm Dave, we’re now just having one of those days with no plans, listening to the remnants of the gale and sharing memes. Occasionally, hail will appear from nowhere, then disappear just as quickly. The wind is still gusty but no longer howling down the chimney or rattling the window panes. There’s another day of the long weekend left and everything is good. We even found a toad yesterday in the garden.

It’s nice, just existing. Uni is having one of those frustrating times, trying to finish things, start things, plan things. There’s a lot of waiting, which isn’t my strong point. It’s nice just to let it go for the 4 days of the long weekend, and immerse myself in little bits of life: breakfast out, coffees, finishing my pile of half-read books, getting through a few saved substacks. Duct-taping the greenhouse in advance of the storm. Moving plant pots and garden chairs out of the wind. Feeling smug at the lack of chaos the next day.

I get very caught up in uni at the moment. I am a very all or nothing person and forget to make time to just exist, sometimes. I have great enthusiasm for immersing myself entirely in things that are so urgent and need to be done immediately, apart from they aren’t and don’t. I’m trying to relax more and calm down. Find time for things that are fun. But I love academia at the moment. I love the relentless grind and freedom to choose what and when and why, and I know I have huge capacity for massive amounts of work when it’s fun and interesting to me. I’m sure that changes when you actually get employed. But I’m happy working at a super intense level. I forget that not everyone is the same as me. I fall into a focus hole and it’s hard to see outside of it. I’m trying to chill out a little, but embrace the love of it. Not balance, but maybe a little more recognition of what’s needed to maintain the capacity. Stopping, sometimes at least. Walks. Trying to remember to do some hobbies. Pulling myself out the focus-hole!

Another thing on my mind is the hosting renewal for this blog. Every year, I tell myself if I haven’t done much then I’ll let it go. But every year, when it comes around, I just can’t. Right now, I don’t have much brainpower to add to this space, save a few odd thoughts that occur to me sporadically. But the plans I had for it haven’t gone anywhere. I still think small, quiet corners of the internet are needed. I’d like to keep a small space for myself and my brain and for other people to drop in now and then and feel the same. But there is some thinking to do. It’s not cheap, and I’m not making the most of it. But maybe it’s worth it for potential. For algorithm freedom. For pottering.

So with pottering in mind, I’m off for some more sunday rambling. Some soup. And maybe a creme egg 🙂